What you did to me

by little one   Dec 1, 2014

Id rather overdose or blow my fukin brains on the wall
Because after 11 years I still cant deal with all this pain you've caused.
I don't know what the fuk is wrong with me.
Since it seems I still have to keep you in my life to some degree.
Iv'e lost everything in my life because of you.
I was so vulnerable; I was just a fukin kid.
What right did you have to molest me everyday for 2 years and play games with my head?
You were my one and only true love, how sick and twisted is that?
You took my virginity and innocence at 13 and that's something I can never get back.
For years I blammed myself and thought it was all my fault.
Since I kissed you first and that made our relationship start.
I was so damn confused because I liked it but then again I didn't.
I remember so many times trying to go somewhere else in my head until it was all finshed.
Then, you wanted me to touch you and I wanted to say no so fukin bad.
But I knew if I did, you would hate me and leave me,
And at the time I loved you, and you were all I had.
I now know your no good for me, cause all you did was cause me harm.
Your the reason why I still continue to put a needle in my arm.
Cause of you I got locked up, put on probation, and house arrest,
Your nothing but a damn leech that sucked the life out of me until there was nothing left.
I wish you would just leave me the fukin hell alone.
And quit fukin calling and texting me; saying that your worried, and you still love and care about me, but I know it's all lies
Hel*, your the reason when I was 15 I tried to commit suicide
God, I cant fukin stand you, I hate you, you fukin bit**.
I never knew so much pain and hate inside me could ever exsist.
I don't want to feel this way or have all this hate in my heart.
But there's no way to go back; No button in life to press restart.
God says we must forgive others in order for us to be forgivin.
How can I ever fukin forgive you when your the cause of the miserable life im stuck living in?
There's only one thing I can tell myself to really help me cope
And it's the only thing stopping me from coming and slitting your fukin throat.
Your gonna have to answer to why you did all those things to me on judgement day
You won't be able to ignore it anymore when God asks you, I really wonder what your going to say


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