My Lost Sun

by WritingtheStars   Jun 25, 2015


Life is about finding your sun-
finding your happiness-
what makes you, you.
But what if it's been night
for the past few years,
so long I've forgotten
what the sun looks like.
How do I find something,
if I can't remember it?
What do i do then?

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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by kitten

    This is a short piece that is also very thought provoking. Nicely penned Kilicat.

  • 8 years ago

    by Z

    What if darkness eclipses you. I know this feeling all too well. I like how this is written though. Beautiful

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Lovely, short and to the point. I love the final, hopeless question this poses.

  • 8 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    The brevity in this speaks volumes. I like the concept of each person finding their own "sun". It's playful, inspiring, creative. It reminds me that we all have unique spirits and all a talent and purpose in this life.

    I do have a few suggestions if you don't mind?

    "Life is about finding your sun-
    finding your happiness-
    what makes you, you."

    - I would delete the second "finding" as I feel it would read smoother like "Life is about finding your sun - your happiness - "

    "But what if it's been night
    for the past few years,
    so long I've forgotten
    what the sun looks like."

    - I'm debating whether adding "that" after "so long" would sound better? Not sure. I like how short your words are here, no extra fillers or big words, just raw truth. How the night's been with you, that's all you've seen and there's that fear you've forgotten the sun. It's brightness. It's wonder.

    "How do I find something,
    if I can't remember it?
    What do i do then?"

    - Capitalize the "i" in the last line unless you meant to not do so?

    The questions, which I add sometimes in my poetry, add that mystery and that yearning for an answer. For answers we all seek. Where to go next, when this darkness you've known for so long now. Without this person. This "sun", however one may interpret that.

    Take care.