Great description of a storm building. The clouds resembling tidal waves create a powerful image. Add to this the sky turning dark and everyone fleeing...
Except the Ibis bird.
I like the courage of such a small bird facing the
hurricane off. This display is an example that no matter your size or confidence level we can step up and face our own personal storms. Be brave: be the bird!
I must admit I have never heard of this bird and I have to thank you for enlightening my ignorance!!! Your poem is great
and grabs the reader right away.. A brilliant nature poem. If I may say something though:
"Run. Hide. Take cover-
the world screams as they flee."
Wouldn't be better to go like this:
Run! Hide! Take cover!
For the world screams as they flee.
Shouldn't have read this at work....:/ I will be back tonight to comment properly ugh .....damn you woman.
5 years ago
by Ben Pickard
This really is a stunning write and I will nominate it when I get my votes boosted later! The imagery and language employed throughout this piece are hypnotic. Well done indeed!
5 years ago
Ok so im back.....again ....
I have re-read this piece a few times over and, as always, your write with such a voice that it is impossible not to sit up and listen to it.
Totally agree with syrup on this...I didn't want it to finish, not at all :/
On the surface, an awesome Nature piece full of strong language and imagery that holds the attention of the reader right to the last period.....and then after too.
I also LOVE the layout of is write, your language for me is ALWAYS spot on but your punctuation and format in this piece is as strong as the write, you control the reader effortlessly.
Then you have the message running through it, strong and relatable...and to be honest....a great description of yourself too...you are strong and have had storms of you own to ride out, which you have done an came out of a stronger and better person for it......I like this poem for many reasons but especially that one :)
OK one last thing to add.....
"to decline the pursuit to safety?
I am brave.
I am noble.
The last to leave.
I am mornings first sight of victory."
WhAt ThE hElL wAs ThAt???????????
It is the perfect ending to this piece and is almost like a poem within a poem!!!!
This is why you rock and this is why you own what you write, everytime.
This poem is delightful! I can picture the Ibis standing in the marshy estuary, watching as all the other creatures scatter, perhaps snatching extra goodies because of the lack of competition now.
"What can mere trouble do to one that is brave
enough / to decline the pursuit to safety?"
"The last to leave. / I am mornings first sight of victory."
Not just a paen for fortitude but a convincing nature study as well.
This is awesome. And that means a lot coming from a guy that lives in a country where Ibises are practically a plague. They've taken over nearly every tree and haven't left the windshield or paint of any car unscathed. But I digress.
Great job with this one. Incredibly well thought out and built strong and solid :)