Memory

by TheMask   Dec 2, 2015


This desolate night
Clear cold stars float down
Each unique from one another
Each innocent, untouched by anything
Glimpse at them, and they grasp your memories
Since they have none

Slowly they take away my memories
As they take their time falling
Grasping, refining, recreating what they've gained in their short life
Reflecting back towards me
Like a movie in slow motion
As they reach the ground
Finding company in my endlessly flowing tears
Each tear, each star, each memory falling
Slowly giving me amnesia

Their will to live on is fantastic
But the hope is a false one
Driven by my memories
Of living a full life
Guided by trials, grief, happiness, and finally sadness
Just like their predecessors
Their lives are cut short

As the night duels for control of the sky
The day breaks
With it they begin to melt
Forming a bond with the tears they kept company with
Losing the memories they stole
Blending together
Composing one image

Me

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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by BlueJay

    I think I've said this to you before, but just in case, I'm going to say it again - and there are a ton of people who would disagree, but I'm going to anyway cause it's one of my biggest petpeeves. Capital letters at the beginning of every line is really distracting. And personally it takes away from the power those words have. The lack of punctuation I can deal with, in fact I applaud it, but capitalization is an entirely different story.

    Sorry, rant over. In your third line, not touched would sound better if you tried something like untouched. It makes the flow smoother. Some of your lines are a little long, which makes me wonder if they really need to be or if you're just not sure where to break them, either way it would be better if you were a little more ontop of punctuation OR length. But I've made the same mistake before, so I guess I might not be the best one to talk.

    Other than that, your imagery is amazing, the idea you are trying to convey is brilliant and very clear. Your emotions are wrapped up in this without it feeling too diary like - which is nice since its in the life category, and the ending definitely left me in thought - which to me is the best sign of a great poem!

    3/5 but that is for construction, not content.

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