by Shruti Dec 11, 2015
category :
Nature, environment /
nature
Dry lonely sidewalks, |
by Em
This is quite remarkable for a first haiku. Well done |
by Shruti
Thank you. |
by hiraeth
Like everyone else said, the syllable count is spot on, as a first haiku, it's pretty good. Like Larry said, "winter's lullaby" is a bit cliche, and though cliches can work in some cases, its better not to use them in haikus, since they're traditionally meant to be written to concise, and lead to a sudden realization of sorts regarding the season or nature in some form, and cliches work against that goal. Instead of 'winter's lullaby at work-' you could've wrote 'December's awakening', although I consider it cliche, its more concise and you're not repeating any words (winter was used in the title). |
by Shruti
Thanks. |
It is a great first effort! |
by Shruti
Thank you very much for this. I'll try to write better. |
by Ben Pickard
I am not great at formed poetry being fairly new to it myself, but I can tell you this much: |
by Shruti
Thanks a lot. I'll try not to repeat.:-) |