I Don't Know How

by Megan   Dec 29, 2015

I used to think I wanted to be skinny.

But I don't think I want to be skinny.
I think I want to love myself.

Which I don't.
I don't love myself at all.
I don't know if I've ever loved myself.
It seems that when I look back at pictures I can say
Oh look.
I was skinny.
I was pretty.
But I didn't think it at the time.
And I certainly don't think it now.

I used to think I needed validation from guys or even other girls;
It's your girl friends' obligations to think you're pretty.
And when boys wanted to date me,
Wanted to hook up with me,
Did date me and did hook up with me,
I still didn't get validation.
I got excuses.
Like they couldn't do better;
They were desperate;
I was easy.

I don't think I'm pretty.
I don't think I'm desirable to any guy,
Even though there are plenty who like me and tell me otherwise.

What I have learned is that it doesn't matter what they say
Or what anyone says.

I don't love me.

I don't see myself the way they do.
I don't know if I ever will.
I don't need to be skinny
Or wanted.
I need to love myself.

My problem is I don't know how.



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