Black & White Bottle Treatment

So...hey! :)
I was going through this poem again. And I re-discovered that it's so beautiful! I could not help adding another comment. Hope you don't mind.
It's layout is lovely. So lovely.
"Dancing.
You were always dancing against the flames in the night."
- the way you started and ended with one word, and then moved on to describe it in the next line, it's simply so graceful. The choice of words itself is excellent and brings a feeling of awe. It shows that she danced, lost in her art, without a care of the world. Moreover the use of past tense immediately births sadness in the reader that such a precious moment is now a memory.

"The sound of your feet hitting the ground reminded me of hands clapping."
- such a fabulous way to describe something. It tells that the sound..the rythm that her feet produced while she danced was so easy to the ear...it felt natural, just like that of hands clapping. It shows the comfort that it brought to you.

"Rhythm. Steady. Faithful."
- ah! I am so in love with this. The rhythm all along was steady and calm...and something that showed no betrayal.

"Deep swells I inhale,
like I am waiting for you to see me.
And you did. You always did."
- she was dancing...and you were watching. You watched everyday and hoped that she will notice you too? And your hopes never went in vain. Tells so much about a blooming love...

"And when you laughed I heard the sound of days yet to pass."
- you could see your future together...laughing...sharing...smiling.
Simply beautiful.

"Where did that go?"
- and this line hit me hard. It nearly brought me to tears. May you find that magic and happiness again.
And the concluding line is the best!
"a different bottle". I love this metaphor.
Such a tender piece...about a tender love. Shows the deep care you had all along for it. You painted the picture so well...I feel like I am witnessing it with my own eyes.
A truly breathtaking piece. I never felt this urge before to leave a comment like this. It had me all along.
Heartbreaking, yet magical!
:)
~S

"and when you laughed I heard the sound of days yet to pass ",how did you come up with a line like this?! .Genius this whole piece but that line was what stood out for I. Great work.

Hi Randall.

Cheers for your 1st poem. Welcome to PnQ.
This was narrated beautifully sad.
Looking forward to your future poems. :)

-xxx

Nice poem but also sad.Keep penning:)

Hi Randall,
first of all, welcome to poems & quotes.
This is very beautiful. The way you framed it, the layout, its lovely. Still very sad.
Nice. Keep writing.
5/5
~S