Marathoners beat. This unconscious rhythm had me smiling initially, but then the 'dread thoughts' of another lonely night are bitterly sad. The sweet ending Is: love enduring the restless running through the 'Marathon ' night for that closeness your heart suffers for. After all, love is not about the good times is it?
Michael, thank you so much! It was written with a bit of humor, you almost have to while you are getting kicked in the shins. You definitely called it right, love isn't always about the good times, this too is something we will get through.Take care-Brenda
6 years ago
by Ben Pickard
"Love is not about the good times" - Michael
Brenda, a great piece from you again here and truly moving and I couldn't have said it better than Michael did.
Ben, thank you so much! Yes, Michael did nail it on the head, love is the highest highs and the lowest lows and all mundane in between. I will keep him, even if he does kick, lol! Brenda
6 years ago
I can definitely relate to this although it's me with the restless feet haha and him with the snoring.. What a pair!!
Good piece, I bet many can relate to. Although you have to take the rough with the smooth haven't you.
This bit 'i cling to the edge of the bed' rang true though as our youngest still sometimes sneaks into our bed and that's what we end up doing!!
Em, thanks so much-yeah, we both snore so it's always fun sleeping - between the happy feet and chain saws, lol. Aww, I remember the days when the little ones would climb in bed, they are sprawled out in the center and you are both hanging on to the edges for dear life. It's all love so it's all good. Take care, sleep well lol!
Nothing is so delicious as self-directed irony. The image of you clinging to the edge of the bed is delightful. The bittersweet toleration of his nocturnal stampede for the sake of maintaining solidarity with the loved one comes across as less of a burden than you put it. In fact, it appears that with your ability to laugh at it, and yourself, you have a certain nostalgia building for the nightly race.
Yes, it's true, lol! I call it his happy feet- you really have to laugh at situations and each other, life is too short to freak out over every little thing, even if I'm getting kicked in the shins....
Brenda lovely poem about the trials of your lovers feet. Oh how I can relate to that. If I don't get to sleep before mine it's impossible to get to sleep because he does the same and like you I end up knees hanging off the bed. Love the term mosh pot fray and the perfectly captured imagery in a light hearted way. Loved it Milly xx
Aww thanks Milly! Really appreciate the kind words-I totally agree with you about getting to sleep first-otherwise it's game on-lol. I love him dearly, even if he's kicking the heck out of me. Thanks again! Brenda
This is an adorable and unique poem, undoubtedly one-of-a-kind. The rhyming scheme was splendid, and your word use definitely makes this poem spring to life, even though it might be about a topic that many of us may not have experience with (me, in particular).
The only suggestion I'd have would be to rework the punctuation on the following fourlines:
I fault him not
it's not me he sought
as his feet
ran a marathoners beat.
I would suggest putting a colon after "I fault him not", as you are describing why you aren't faulting him for this action. It also left me a bit confused, with no punctuation, as to what exactly was going on.
Anyway, great work, and I look forward to seeing more of your work!
Thank you so much! I definitely see what you are talking about with the punctuation. Sleeping with someone who has restless legs can sometimes be challenging, I've gotten pretty good at avoiding his kicks.
Jessica, I totally understand that. I too have my moments when my legs are doing the happy dance. Maybe my honey and I should go for a hike before we go to bed and be too tired to kick each other-thank you for the wonderful idea.
Thank you so much, I had to have some humor with this.
5 years ago
Awwee, hehe. I love the rhyming pattern, Brenda! ^_^
I understand how maddening those little kickers must get. My grandmother also has RLS. It's really maddening for her.
I can especially see this happening- when you just want to snuggle up to your love and be comforted by them at the end of the day. ): But I really like what Michael said, about how your love pushes past this and so I still can't help but find this poem of yours overwhelmingly sweet. :3