Not the First

We both know it's not the first time
Since I told you it would be the last
But there's a monster inside of me
That I just can't ever get past

It's not content, never wants happy
So it whispers doubts on in my ear
I try to flush the creature out
But it keeps feeding on my fear
Oh, can't you see I'm stumbling
Falling deeper in to my haze
No matter the times you catch me
Saying that I'll change my ways

It stays alive, filling itself on sadness
Till I am spewing out all my rage
And we curl up in loneliness
Tracing bars like an endless cage
Empty bottles that feel like a prison
So I just needed another to be free
Not the first to feel this helpless
So please don't give up on me

Cause tomorrow I'll be getting sober
The lover and son I'm made to be
But tonight I'm drowning it out
Stay here and have another on me
It's always calmer falling in the fog
Smiling through the abandoned street
Heart slowing in these familiar places
Heavy eyes deadened to all we meet

She holds me a while in this stupor
As I pay my way into these arms
Collapsing into another nothingness
Begging her to give over her charms
But she's just a girl of the night
And I am burning up on her heat
Tracing your tears on her fingertips
As I fall heavy and lifeless at her feet

I could tell you it's all over now
And that I longed it to be that way
Just to soften the pain some how
And make this all just go away
Tomorrow stings like a sunrise
Light compromised by a dulling ache
It's a memory that's just stirring
As my conscience begins to wake