I would like you to hear this Dad!

by J Nair   May 18, 2016


You are now lost to me!

And yet I am back to the grind.
Everything seems to be so unchanged
But something has snapped inside.
Disconnected I am walking into walls inside my head.
Thoughts can't seem to travel very far.
Futility of my presence is eating up my existence
Makes me want to pick myself up and fade away into eternity.

You are now gone!

And I can't seem to believe it's true.
Even though I saw the pyre lit.
Did you not want to see me one last time?
Did it not matter I wasn't around.

Nothing or no one makes sense any more
No agenda seem important
No plans for now or for morrow.

What ought to go shall go,
And stay that which must.

Suddenly life refuses to dance in circles,
Knots come away untangled
The story does not evoke any interest
No eagerness to know the known.

You dad, have actually moved on!

I ought to be strong for mom
But why has all thoughts taken leave
Why does your departure disallow me to grieve?

If your absence makes no sense to me
Then the presence of my children too makes none.
You are gone and with you my strength
No will, arises inside of me, to look at another morn.

You are gone and I am tired

I just don't feel like moving a limb.
Something inside me turned over and died,
When you left without a good bye.

Jay

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Latest Comments

  • 7 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello Jay,

    as Ben says, this is a very personal write for you to pose. Often the process it a cathartic one and helps one move on somewhat.

    I remember when I lost my father - I was 14 and actually felt relieved. It is a long story and I have written about it in some of my darker writes.

    I like how your poems follows your trying to come to terms with your loss, whilst trying to be strong for others. The emotions are acute and at times it must feel like no one understands.

    Time is a healer, if not a healer it allows for space to form between the pain and the day to day life that just carries on regardless.

    Take care,

    Michael (hugs)

    • 7 years ago

      by J Nair

      Thanks Michael. Spl thanks for (hugs).

      Jay.

  • 7 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Jay,

    Let me first just tell you again how sorry I am. Not that it will help and I'm sure you have heard it enough times to irritate you rather than take strength from it.
    This piece is a very personal write and one I felt was difficult to read. All the negative emotions one person can feel are here: anger, frustration, sorrow etc and a real feeling of disconnection with reality.
    Commenting on the poem from a technical point almost seems crass, so all I will say is that it is well written and I love your scattering of rhyme throughout - it simply reinforces the emotion at points.

    I do hope you feel better soon. But know that while you are writing and letting it all out and not letting it consume you inside, things will start getting more positive soon.

    Take care and all the very best,
    Ben

    • 7 years ago

      by J Nair

      Thank you Ben- sincerely - thank you.

      Jay

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