Who Am I?

Hello,

I liked it - and not just because it's about one of the best villains ever of the best superhero ever. I enjoyed the tone. It felt unhinged.

I really like this, and I think with a few changes, it could really be a great piece.

Please allow me to make a few suggestions.

I would add 'greatly' to the end of the first line, as well as a second 'suffered' to the start of the second. My main reason for these two suggestions, is that it would start your piece of with a crisper rhythm.

I would strike out the word 'completely' from the fourth line. 'Mad insane' is more of a colloquialism, and so less used, which is more interesting for the reader. It'll also suit the character better.

I think 'Who am I? One guess', would work better than 'Who am I?' and then 'I'll give you one guess' on another line, as it keeps the flow better.

I think 'The Bat's' would flow better than 'Bats', and finish your piece off with more of an umph.

I would love to read a redrafted version of this again. I think you can make it a little longer, and I certainly think you could make the character even more dark and twisted.

Regards,

Bradley

P.S. Please comment and vote honestly on every piece you read.

Well, as any true-blood fan of the Dark Knight and Arkum Asylum graphic novels and films would know, you would be known now as the Joker, Jack.

Good "riddle me this" poem, Craig.
Oops! Wait a sec, that's the Riddler's line, heh-heh...
~Dean Kuch