In love we fell (acrostic)

by Kasie   Jan 7, 2017


Illuminating my life, you
Nourish my soul like fire...

Liquid flames of pure affection;
Our love is like the renewed breath:
Vibrant sun-rays that
Emerge from emotional storms.

Weathering away at my stone heart
Eager to be let in, We

Fall deep into joyful bliss, and
Embark on a long journey of
Loyalty and everlasting
Love.

By Kasie F

Thank you Mr. Darcy for helping me with this.

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  • 7 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    This is much better,

    just playing with your version, I have made a few suggestions that maybe of use?

    Illuminating my life, you
    Nourish my soul like fire...

    Liquid flames of pure affection;
    Our love is like the renewed breath:
    Vibrant sun-rays that
    Emerge from emotional storms.
    ^
    as I say, just a little play with your words. I realise that is a personal piece, so this may not fit your story.

    • 7 years ago

      by Kasie

      Thank you, the words you used actually sound better. It's what I was trying to say, but I couldn't find the words.
      Thank you again, I'm going to use this, if you don't mind.

  • 7 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    I look forward to version 2. :D

    • 7 years ago

      by Kasie

      I think I will take the advice that you have gave me on sonnets. (That some times it's easier to start over and have a fresh start) because writing about love doesn't come easy to me. I know what I want to say, but not how I want portray it.

    • 7 years ago

      by Kasie

      The new and improved version 2 is here. Lol

  • 7 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    As Em says, this form is hard to do justice to. I like the fact you have added rhyme, but i feel the poem is lacking lustre. Maybe its because of this added difficulty, or maybe I feel you could write a better version of this. After all, this is supposed to be your love story! Make me feel it. If you need more room, add another word. Also, using metaphors and similes often can add needed imagery that 'straight talk' cannot.

    • 7 years ago

      by Kasie

      Thank you, I will work on it. I will admit I had a little writer's block with this one, as I have never really tried to write an acrostic.

  • 7 years ago

    by Em

    Well done.. Acrostics can be hard to do properly especially with rhyme and you did both.

    Em

    • 7 years ago

      by Kasie

      Thank you, it was hard starting off, but I knew what I wanted to say, the hard part was finding words that fit.

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