How Should I feel?

How should I feel?
Sad?
Angry?
Frustrated?
Alone?
Worthless?
Used?
Maybe these are the wrong feelings,
But not maybe,
I know they are,
But its what I feel.

For so long,
I've manages to put on a show around you,
Make you believe I was always happy,
And always so alive.

But really,
I'm the total opposite,
I'm always sad,
And dead inside.

I love you so much,
But first,
For once,
I have to put me first,
I have to love myself.

I can still remember,
That day you discovered I wasn't so happy all the time,
I was so sad,
So quiet,
And you thought I was angry at you,
I'm not angry with you,
I'm angry at the world.

You bought me flowers,
They made me feel oh so special,
But not for very long,
They stayed on my desk for a week,
Every time I looked at them my heart would flutter,
Remembering the way you said I love you,
And how you said you would do anything to make me smile.

If only you could....