So I'm a nerd, glasses and all. My weekends are spent playing Fortnite with my friend Lucas and watching the Harry Potter marathon on ABC.My life was going great until I had a shocking revelation. I am a background character in my own life. I am the Jar Jar Binks of high school. No scratch that people hate Jar Jar and while I don’t necessarily feel like people like me it's hard to hate someone you don’t even know and no one knows me.
Some days I wake up in the middle of the night and I have this strange feeling and I know that everyone has a more interesting life than me. Everyone is more interesting than me. I go to biology second period and my teacher asks what we did over winter break Shelby went to Spain Derek went to Disneyland Lucas got a Lamborghini for Christmas because his parents are rich rich. My teacher asked me what I did over break and I did nothing. In that moment I knew I am the least interesting Sophomore in this whole school.
I started feeling like maybe I wasn’t the main character of my life in November when the lacrosse season started and Lucas plays lacrosse because of course he does and all his friends started calling me “Lucas’ friend”. They didn't know my name although they probably knew that my name is not “Lucas’ friend.” I knew at that moment I was Lucas’ sidekick .
This feeling of being a background character just kept growing Lucas was homecoming king and i was in the wings cheering him on. When he got a girlfriend I became the third wheel. He started to do things without me he doesn’t even play Fortnite with me anymore i am ignored like all good comic book sidekicks.
One day I opened google and typed into the search bar “i feel like a background character in my own life.” and the first thing that popped up was the depression hotline and I was scared of the darkness so I shut my laptop. But just because I ignored the darkness didn’t mean it wasn’t there
One friday me and lucas were eating some carrot sticks when i decided to say “do you ever feel like if they made a movie about your life that you wouldn’t be the main character.”
“Who’d be the main character of your movie.” he asked curiously
“You're the main character and i'm your sidekick at least that's how I feel.” i say and it feels good to free the thoughts from my mind
Lucas looks at me and he says “The hero couldn’t do his job without his sidekick the sidekick is the second most important character and there's nothing wrong with second. Please don’t feel unimportant because i can't even tell you how many times the hero would have given up without his sidekick. So thank you for always being there you’re the best sidekick someone could ask for. So thank you thank you so much being my sidekick.”
Holy guacamole. You need to post more on here, your voice is incredible in this.
This would be awesome as spoken word. I have so much respect for writers who not only share aspects of their lives but are vulnerable in their work and share their growth, their inspiration. Like you've done here. This feels like a coming-of-age story/poem/prose.
The consistent theme of being a background character in your own life - wow. I've never heard it worded like that.
"But just because I ignored the darkness didn’t mean it wasn’t there"
^ So much wisdom in this! I like how you googled search how you were feeling because so often, I feel like we look for tangible answers or solutions or even to know that someone else has felt the same and asked the same things. It diminishes the fear just a bit.
I love the message in this, how you told it and the beauty of being appreciated by friends, realizing that our efforts and fight and struggle are worth it. That our voice isn't unimportant even in the times where it's small or meek.