Comments : Homeland

  • 3 weeks ago

    by hiraeth

    omg

  • 3 weeks ago

    by hiraeth

    I call dibs on nominating this!!

    • 3 weeks ago

      by Star

      Lol thank you ^_^

  • 3 weeks ago

    by Daniel

    This is a very dreamy poem, Star. It's also very you! I mean that as a compliment aha.

    I enjoyed the personification of the moon, and the romantic tones throughout. I believe the second stanza pales a little bit for a couple of reasons:

    Tonight,
    your luminous face
    outshines the stars
    and I surrender
    to your glowing
    silence.

    I feel you could replace 'luminous' as you have 'illuminated' in the prior stanza. It may have been intentional but I still even feel that 'luminous face' is a little strange sounding. I also feel 'your glowing silence' is a bit awkward too. The 'your' before doesn't actually need to be there either, as it's implied. :)

    'there is a land
    behind
    the immersed
    sun,
    where
    its only moon
    is you.'

    The simplicity and effectiveness of this is incredibly hard to achieve. A beautiful end to a beautifully penned poem.

    • 3 weeks ago

      by Star

      Lol Im glad you mean it as a compliment!!
      They were actually intentional, but what you said makes sense. It’s always interesting to read your feedback!
      Thank you Daniel :)

  • 3 weeks ago

    by Everlasting

    I like it. It’s dreamy. I like the soft voice. I also just woke up for the fifth time. it’s a good read to have early in the morning. It made me feel serene.

    • 3 weeks ago

      by Star

      Awwwww I am so glad it did ^_^
      Like the morning coffee you dont like :p
      Thank you !!

  • 3 weeks ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Mark, did it, before me, but it's alright.

    Star! I can feel it all over me. This piece takes everything in the reader. I LOVE your poetry!

    • 3 weeks ago

      by Star

      I love it when what I write is felt. Thank you Rania ^_^