First, I want to say welcome to the site, Lindsay!
Poems like these, kind of the stream-of-consciousness, can be the most vulnerable and emotional pieces. They're also my favorite, in writing and reading, because it can be extremely cathartic. And I hope it was for you. All of the images, feelings, pressure, tension, anxiety.... all of it set me on edge just as the reader, and if I even have a glimpse of that, I'm sure it was much bigger for you. Thank you for sharing everything with us. I love how you shared the insecurities and questions of "if I do this, will I be seen as normal? will I blend in?", and wondering constantly if others are scrutinizing you. It's so human and raw and honest. Someone could appear on the outside as confident, yet be trembling in uncertainty. The details make your voice in this piece even more sincere, and even though I don't know you, I felt the continuous questioning of self-worth here. I over-analyze my actions and it can be impossibly difficult to find balance, to not let things trigger us or the memories consume us in daily life... to have that desire to be perceived as hard-working and apt.
Ending with that question, that question that serves as kind of a jumping-off point, gave me chills. I've been in therapy too, and it's such a big question. Sometimes intimidating. Because, where do you even start, you know?
Love this piece so much and I can't wait to read more. Take care!
The writing drew me in, I felt like the character with PTSD. Your writing is very descriptive, made me nostalgic about my younger years when I wanted to grow up to become a doctor like most of my best school friends wished. Also reminded me of Grey's Anatomy Series...