Comments : Occlusion

  • 1 month ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Love this, Star. Great title too, I should add.

    Hope you're well.

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      I spent more time thinking of a title than writing the actual poem, so that makes me happy :)

      Thank you so much Ben!!!

  • 1 month ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    I wanted to comment on the title, but I have come up against a block! Sorry, I couldn't help myself! lol

    Your poem describes all too well the mental barriers that can prevent growth. This will undoubtedly resonate with many - I know it did with me.

    Take care.

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      LoL it’s fine, though at first I didnt get it :)

      Thank you so much, Im glad it resonated with you!

  • 1 month ago

    by Everlasting

    Love the title.

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      Thanks Luce ^_^

  • 1 month ago

    by hiraeth

    Glad to see this nominated!

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      Thank you :)

  • 1 month ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This poem! I've read it so many times already since you posted.

    The title was perfect for this, and reminded me almost of a horror movie or thriller. It's ominous, an obstruction, a blockage, but of what? Of everything or only some things?

    "and the world resolves"

    - This was such an interesting line to me, especially since I think I was expecting it to read "and the world dissolves". The phrasing caught my attention. The world healing, resolving any and every problem. And this person, not quite being able to grasp it, to understand it. An awakening, a chance at actually living, but questioning if this could even be real. The mental anguish.

    I liked how you brought forth the image of chains breaking, and also noted they were ALREADY broken. It makes me think of the ways we imprison ourselves or let ourselves be hidden away, when we don't have to be. We think we are bound and cannot speak and live for ourselves, but we're the only ones holding us back.

    "those two dark dungeons" - I wasn't immediately a fan of this wording. At first it sounded a little obvious or cliche, but then I thought maybe the dungeons could represents parts of your brain that were kept in the dark, where you couldn't process life itself and had conflicting emotions and memories that were contradicting each other. I saw more of a reference in this than the literal presence of two dungeons, and that's brilliant in a way, that you can have the reader interpret "dungeons" however they wish. Or perhaps the dungeons represent two points in your past life, or two actual places, where you experienced trauma or were told you could not be your true self. So now, you can finally express all that you are, and you realize maybe you could have this whole time if you broke the mental chains that held you in fear and terror first.

    The first time I read the last two lines, I read it with a sadness, but now, I read it was a different meaning. It is like saying goodbye, letting those specific sorrows be buried, fade into the nothingness. And maybe it's a sadness for all that you've lost, the time you've lost, and recognition of all you went through.... but also a quiet triumph, a willingness to let it go and start anew, clearing that obstruction. A fresh start at life.

    This really hit my heart in all kinds of ways <3

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      The "two" dungeons refer to something specific for me, I gave a hint in the poem but then kept it unexplained to open room for interpretation like you did. The way you interpret the poem is so beautiful !!
      Thank you soooo much ^_^