run & hide

by Skyfire   Dec 27, 2020

Tiny pretty things
fall like stars -
fall like
tiny glass bones
bruising on the edges
of an infinite abyss
where your iridescent
irises will never let
me sleep,
shattering my
and sending all the
lights spinning into shards
that carve out my
across my upstretched arms
and overwrite the plea -

don't hurt me
i cannot see
the sky."


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Latest Comments

  • 1 year ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    The title suggests, to me, a child wanting/ needing to hide. "Tiny pretty things fall like stars" this creates a beautiful image, and yet the word "fall" is unsettling, especially when effectively repeated in the next few words: "fall like tiny glass bones" I almost recoiled, waiting for the impact and certain fracture of something so fragile. Then, on its own "breaking" putting this word on its own increases its impact. Nicely done!
    From this point the poem changes, like a new scene, or perspective. We move from the impact to damage to a place where sleep/peace is prevented. Eyes that won't allow sleep. I'm now thinking whose eyes? "Shattering my breathlessness" this is interesting. To me these words suggests an easing of breath, breaking a bad breathing pattern. Did you mean this, as the poem continues into a disoriented image of spinning shards and the word "carve". Maybe, using, "shattering my breath" could work?
    This "accountability" being responsible for the previous pain, the nightmares somehow, but then the words "carve out" suggests, removing this responsibility. Add to this the fine imagery of surrender. Then the request to swap this responsibility of causing the pain, perhaps, to asking to not be hurt. This phrasing, for me, nicely bookends the poem. The suggestion of something fragile, like a child, being damaged, perhaps? The last few words, specifically, the word "sky" suggests a personal connection and so a poem that has far deeper meaning that anyone could figure.
    Overall, I found I connected emotionally with many elements of poem, whilst others pleasantly intrigued me.

    • 1 year ago

      by Skyfire

      Thank you very much for your insights! I see you have a good point with changing breathlessness to breath, I think I will make that change.

  • 1 year ago

    by Star

    I had chills reading this!!
    "an infinite abyss"
    ^ Aaaaaaaah this phrase hits so hard!! Very new and very effective!!
    Love the ending, will surely be nominating this tomorrow )

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