Sinking In The Devil's Blood

You believed my smile was real
because that's what I wanted you to see.
I am hiding every single tear-drop deep inside of me.

It was staring me right in the face from the start,
but perhaps desperation had made me weak,
and my weakness made me blind.
I could not stop myself from allowing you
to pull my heart into yours with some sort of magnetic strength.

You made me hate myself so much for being so loving and blind,
for being foolish enough and weak enough to allow you close to me,
changing my view and convincing me to trust you,
despite my hearts beating fears.

That place in my heart no longer exists,
you ripped it right out,
every last piece of love and trust I had left.
Now there's just an empty hole,
not even longing for what once was there.
Not even missing emotions that used to belong.

All I ever wanted was a reason for your departure,
until I realised I'd never accept anything you said -
we both knew there was never an excuse to walk away
from someone you truly loved.
So now I no longer look for a reason,
your abandonment of me is not as bad as it first seemed.

Tonight, I am going to bury all of that pain,
say goodbye to all of those regrets,
restart my life alone,
but unafraid!

My heart has become a vicious part of who I now am,
and I am sinking in the devil's blood,
which seems to drown my soul
inside every lonely tear-drop.

Saffie
27

22/9/18
10.53pm