Dear Friend, Chapter 6: Grief and Anger

Hey,
Again we’re here at the bench,
Well I am,
Here without you,
It’s been seven years,
I thought it was a string of bad luck,
Like breaking a mirror,
After seven years it would turn into good luck,
But I guess I was wrong,
Hoping after seven years you’d be back,
I’m still mad at you for what you did,
YOU left me when I needed you,
I didn’t know how to come out to my parents,
YOU said you would help,
Why did I you leave me?,
After everything you had in your life,
You had a better life than me,
Now I still have to answer everybody who asks,
“Why did he do it?”,
I have to say,
“He had too many demons chasing him”,
All your demons that were chasing you,
Have been chasing me this entire time,
In addition to MY demons,
I only sleep three hours a night,
Because every night at 3:12 am,
All the demons come out and remind me,
Remind me that’s what time I lost you,
Remind me that you’re gone,
Remind me of what made me realize I’m broken,
Because seven years ago TODAY,
We were to meet up at this bench for our usual lunch,
We were gonna come out to both our parents,
I was all excited to tell,
It took me FIVE extra years to come out,
But now I lay in my bed daily shaking,
Screaming into the pillow,
Crying,
Blaming myself for you being gone,
And making a series about it,
So everybody can understand the pain I’m in,
Call your phone,
Hear your voicemail,
Just so I can have some peace knowing I can hear you talk,
Looking at our old messages too,
Smiling,
Laughing,
We were so weird,
But that’s what made us perfect friends,
Like Chloe and Max,
In Arcadia Bay,
Partners in Crime,
As well as partners in time,
I miss you buddy

R.I.P. 1995-2015