Logging pt2

by Ricky Story   Sep 15, 2022

It’s almost like the past erupts and layers the surface of my life with a hardened coat of radioactive waist
Toxic choices… can and will do that to you,, you should know that.. and the more you want to do better, and the better person you are, granted your not a psychopath., the more negative you’ll feel about the toxic choices you make…
That negative result tho…. There’s so many layers… like I mentioned, layers and layers of toxic beliefs maladaptive coping skills… they flood my mainframe…
All you need is to get better, in order to do so, you need to try harder in the times where its appropriate, rising to the occasion, and committing..
the trials never end, I don’t want to get worse, but….
Yeah I know see. You know it only gets worse…. And no… the devil never sleeps.., remember that…. It is hard to change everything but it’s the only true way to cure your desires diseased thoughts…. Unrealistic and unsustainable ways of coping towards the very things that your committing you designs that only bring more suffering…. The thing is, your making poor choices and progressing towards more problems.., and it’s hard when all you know…. As much as you know…. Still can’t help.
If I’m not suffering…. I’m in a cloud… falling off that cloud hurts…. And that’s just the beginning of the cycle of suffering that lasts as long as it does…. But it isn’t what I want… so I start walking better and end up in the sky…. Just to eventually fall off again…. But it’s only gotten worse a little I feel. So I’m in luck… and I’m doing pretty good mentally… despite the insanity… and truly. I don’t know if I really care, and there’s a long story about why I don’t…. But I think I’m careful.., so that’s care to the fullest. Right? I take my life into responsibility and never intend to invade anyones life…. That’s probably why I’m so lonely. I have a huge wall around my heart…. And I keep to myself in a sea of people…. I don’t want people in my life… I don’t want to be responsible for their damnation.., but I am…. I think…. Bad? But a good person… but I truly don’t think being involved with me is the most positive thing..,,
Yeah…. Some people are bad luck..,, I’m sure you know a few of those people yourself… in fact I know you do…. And although they may be perfectly normal…. They’re doing the devils work… and the thing is… is that the devils work is done in the shadows…. So don’t sell yourself short…. You might just be being manipulated…. And I know you think that very thing… so it’s probably true if you believe it… truly.. like I know you do…
Yeah… I guess I don’t truely think I’m bad…. But. Different?
So you know when something’s different in a formula… it can possibly change everything in the formula…. So I believe I’m being changed ,, all in the whole time I’m changing everything….
Yrrppp. That’s what life pretty much is…. But ur sensitive.. I know.. awake spiritually,, probably a little helpless??
Yea.,,, but I have hope… it’s just hard to keep in my heart…
Hope is very interesting…
I’ve thought a lot about it…
How about dread? You should look into that one…
Funny you say that…. Because I was just thinking of it…. And I know you know, but although opposites,, they compliment each other….
Lots of Hope right??
Yeah… lol …. Lots of fluckin dread. Lol..
Well there’s lots of hope it you want it.. and especially if you deserve it,, it’s there for you.. you just need to, like I said earlier,, rise to the occasion and commit to things you know,, will make you a good person… converting all that hate dread and suffering into a cloud that locks itself and creates a singularity that creates an opposing force of things that can make you a person you want to be, a happy person,, with a promising future extended and disconnected from all that bad stuff that rots you, and if you can manage that,, maybe you can be good enough tkk on feel and live a life that is good, free, and have successes in any currency that promises to make the world a better place,,
Hmm…. Like… you know I can huh? You think I can fix things?? Beyond normality.. and I’ll be happy safe and successful??
Yeaah ,, that’s what I’m trying to let you figure for yourself,, I can’t do it for you..,!
Okok. I get it gosh :P. But still so much dread…
Yea.. I know..I’ve been a jerk a long time..
Literally huh..
What’s next?? What’s it going to take?!
I have a girl…, I really love…. And like a lot…
Well that’s a good start… love helps alot of people.. but most of all you have to love yourself….
I love myself a lot.., that’s why I don’t want to go down the wrong road…
You’ve been going down the wrong road.. the thing you need to focus on is when you see the exit to hell…. Stay on the freeway!! Lol
Ya ya
And if you ever end up on the road to hell!!! Take the exit!!! XD
Lol xD
I’m serious!!!
I know!! A little too serious!! I was just hoping to not notice!!!
Pshh…. Who taught you that one??
I know I know…. That guys perfect as it can get…
You know what?? I actually believe you… to say the most.. heh heh…
Nice…. Question…
What the hell am I suppose to do on my day off!! Lol
Be great full! And appreciate the …. Oh… you right…. That is a little chilling…. Earry…. Hmm…
I know:/ I’m never …. Sigh…. Idk…
Yeah… just get threw those hard times…, maybe that rotten. Lol oh my gosh… I’m sorry. Let’s say unripe heart of yours will somehow change that …. Weeiird tone in space tho right???
Yeah..,, :/
It should be different if you heal im assuming….
It’s like a but in a web… or a spider waiting for someone to get caught in one… even worse!!! It’s like a garden snake!xD
Gosh don’t even joke like that..
It not a joke… :/
Is there something that you know??
Ehh I know it’s probably that…
Yeah…. Well games over!!! We won!!!… //gladly giving you a get out of jail free card
Lol. Right??
Don’t worrie,, ull be fine,, with effort and ,, also!!! Committing yourself to good choices that don’t make you!!? Or anyone else for that matter!!! Hate you!!! The spiders and snakes included.. xD
Really tho!! You never truely know …. Specially with that leaf that dosnt smoke still up there somewhere…
XD. Good one right?!?!
YeH ^^, must be true…
In one form or another.. I’m 100% positive it is….
Am I hearing you say also that it’s not the only case probably aswell
Yeah…, commonality’s in the supernatural are constant. But always unique… with similar traits of course..
Okay.. ur pretty smart…. Are you sure ur gunna be okay?? You know.. threw everything???
Yeah… that’s probably what you want to ask….
Well!! lol. Are you??
I know everyone else will… that’s all I should be worried about.., but yeah I’ll be good…. Especially when I feel like.., uncomfortable and sick…
:/. That’s what it’s like??
Ohhh itttts thhhe wooorse feeeeling!!!!!
Yeah.,, I have moments that I just want to blow up…. Sick in the brain and guts and my whole body is … then.. lol. I guess I do!!
Yeah…. That’s pretty screwed.. get better okay?
Being a vampire sucks…!:/
Hmm…. Yeah… I’ll let you have your time now…
:)….:,) thx…. Well. Somewhon just got here!
Yeah…. For a family that’s so sick of you… it’s funny how they send little minions around to annoy you and stress out your… well you get the point..
Yeah… metavistetal bio waves…
If you want to call it that…. Your probably not the first by the way.. hah
Yeah. I got to go tho…
Been a good time!
Yeah…. This is just how u am…. Alll the flocking time!!!
Well use it to your advantage… and do the right thing.. every time! Especially when your not suppose to!! Get it?!?!
Yeah yeah. Lies that’s all I hear xD
At the times you doooo. Yep!



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