At the current moment I am figuring out how to get rid of everything in my heart as far as the break that is there I know the best way to get over it is to find someone else but at the current moment even that is hard this is a first time ever in my life that I've had a difficult moment like this when it comes to women;
Usually it is very easy for me to approach and talk no matter what the situation is but because the girl I fell in love with is also my baby mama I'm having difficulties separating due to the eight and a half years but I think out of possibility if I were to find a way to let It go and move on with someone else whether it is for the moment on going or an actual relationship, I think I would have to keep thinking about all the pain and emotional torture I was put through for whatever reason was given, in order for me to start talking to other women I would have to separate the fact that yes she's my baby mama and we are no longer together and haven't been together for a while already but the love I have for her herself as my woman and the love I have for her as my baby mama and only my baby mama are two different things... Until I find a way to separate the two I think for the first time in my life talking to women would be difficult but once I am able to separate the two I am sure can't say 100% without a doubt in my mind at the moment but I am sure that it would be able to talk at ease once again maybe not as my old self but at least I'm able to talk;
I know I need time don't know how much time I hope not long especially because I do need a woman in my life for various reasons, but I no longer want baby mama due to the heartbreak given and lies over the eight and a half to 9 years we were together... What I would like... Is to find a woman who says and claims that they will always be 100% straight out without any lies to actually do that instead of claim and if for any reason they were to stay to be faithful then actually be faithful not just claim, if for any reason third parties were to happen to come into our relationship for I'm just going to say spice then we both sit down and talk about it as adults and whatever solution comes from that that's what happens but at least instead of going behind each other's backs and lying to one another we are still together still 100% and it shows we are down for one another, I do need a real woman in my life because of the fact that I am a real 100% down to earth man so with all being said in time once again don't know how much time things will change from my current state until then the only thing I can do is endure all the heartbreak and darkness and chaos that baby mama happened to instill within my heart but when time comes for that change you best believe almost likely be talking to everybody and whatever happens from there happens...
I'm just hoping and praying that the time length will not be long cuz all this malice that is showing itself once again in my life is worse than when I was a child so if for any reason I were to allow it to take over I risk a full-on black out for who knows how long so rather than keep this pain going I need to find a way to start talking to others or they could approach me either way something needs to happen to get rid of this...
So for now I will focus on my responsibilities to my children train my ass off for my fights that I happen to schedule and just be about my paper if any woman were to approach me and just conversate of course I'm all for it but until I'm able to separate the two things said it will be difficult for me to approach with ease unless I'm in a good mood and even then things won't be the same as they used to be...
But I will say as much as it worries me that if I were to get in another relationship sometime in my life in the future that it would happen again I still have to keep in mind not all women are the same there is that one out there wherever the hell she happens to be that will match or at least understand that a relationship between two is a commitment to fulfill one another's every desire, every need every fantasy every being and in the times of struggle both are able to come together and find the rational solution that will be easiest to fix that struggle basically to get to the point work together...
No matter what it is or happens to be when I'm able to bring another woman into my life and they will always have that chance to have everything I am for however long they would want and I will make sure that while with them they feel cared for and loved...
You can still make somebody feel loved even if you just met them whether it's for a night on going or relationship however or I got to do everything in my power not to get hurt again which possibly means look at things like I used to when I was a kid and an adolescent and hold on to half my heart and only offer whatever girl happens to come into my life half at the start and allow them to earn the rest but either way they will still be able to have all of me the only thing that is being withheld is the same exact love that I ended up gaining for baby mama...
