Ocean Ending

How come I don’t have the strength of movie stars
that walks away from pain onto a train and never going back?

How come I forget that I got a good understanding of the world when I am in the dark?

How have I ended up so lost in this life as I look back and forth when I try to be present?

How did I’ve always believed in the good and in love just to realize I haven’t?

I just want to know why I am here even though I know how I got here.

I just want to see if I will make past this.

Will I ever be gone or be loved and win?

Everyday feels like a good time to cry and roll around the floor sulking what could have I done right.

Why do I feel shame in letting others know that I’m someone who lives with a broken heart?

Can I understand me somehow?

Day by day and tomorrow I will be the same as now, beating myself with the truth that I have lost.

There is no going back from here but maybe forward and a little further in time I may see a future me who knows how to let go.

A perfect release with no regrets will feel like a dip in the peaceful ocean under a beautiful sun.

I can imagine the warmth of that day where I could possibly be if only I learn to love myself.