Where do we go from here?

by Stephen   Mar 10, 2024

There's a lack of joy in your haunting memory
and the nights I'm kept awake contemplating every possible direction this may lead.
Yes, I love you.
I love you to the extent that at times, it's painful and pitiful.
Loss of appetite has barged it's way into my daily routine without my permission;
fear of abandonment is uncontrollable and easily justifiable as I ruminate.
My mind plays tricks on me, and I haven't mastered the game, yet.
Patience and understanding is essential;
but who ever will take the time to understand
all I want is return of what I've offered?
Maybe no one.
I would appreciate support as well as understanding when it comes
to the triggers that leave negative connotations on most of life.
I'm aware I'm damaged, don't remind me, it's painful.
If you don't want to love me, I'll understand.
I told you a while ago, I'm used to that reaction.
I do my best to fight anxiety but it cripples me
when such an important aspect of life is stuck in limbo.
I live for love in all of it's glory.
You know, the love that ignites passionately
and burns fiercely bringing light into the darkest night.
if that constitutes a fool, then I'm guilty.

Hang the noose.

Half of you loves me the other half thinks I'm hideous.
Where does that leave me in your book?
Maybe I'll never know because
my brain contaminates reality like poison.
What is the reality of this?
Was I ever wanted or could this possibly
be another twisted path of destruction
due to an excess of love?
Maybe I love too much and that's why
I've been loved too little in the past.
I'm an emotional ocean;
love seems to peak, crash, recycle and repeat.
That's not by choice. I don't enjoy these worries.
I lack enthusiasm, I lose sleep, weight, loved ones
as well as my own sanity. It's nothing personal,
the thorns of rose bushes leave wounds that
take longer to heal in some cases.
There's no protecting my heart,
it's rested on the sleeve of my shirt that you wear;
I need an insert explaining to handle with care.

Stephen Greenleaf © 2024


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