I felt it again,
that lightning
that once chose my heart
like a quiet sky choosing
where to break.
It was Wednesday night
Back to 2021
when I finally let go,
when silence spoke louder
than every “I love you”
you ever said.
I walked to the park,
to our place,
where laughter used to sit
between us,
now only the wind remained,
whispering courage
through trembling leaves.
The air held me gently,
colder than your absence,
but kinder than your presence
ever became.
We were once like wild pink lilies,
and purple petunia,
soft, unafraid, blooming
without asking why.
Now we are a fallen twig,
dry, brittle,
breaking at the memory
of rain.
If time could bend,
I wouldn’t go back
not to your hands
that lifted me so high
only to let me fall,
not to your warmth
that learned too quickly
how to turn cold.
You said "I love you" so easily,
like it cost you nothing.
And maybe it didn’t.
Because I was never
the one you were healing for
just the place
you rested your wounds,
while your heart
belonged elsewhere.
I remember the nights
how your silence felt louder
than truth,
how secrets echoed
in the spaces you never filled.
A name you spoke softly
that wasn’t mine,
a story you shared
that I was never part of.
It pierced me slowly,
like a quiet poison
pretending to be love.
You looked so gentle,
like a promise
wrapped in innocence.
My knight?
Or so I believed.
But even the finest armor
can hide a careless heart.
Your words now
sharp as a blade
forged with precision
cut deeper
because I trusted the hands
that held them.
I should have left
the moment truth
started hiding from me,
when your apologies came
wrapped in sweetness
A balloon?
A box of blueberry cheesecake?
and reasons that made no sense.
“I didn’t know
you would find out,”
you said....
But I did....
And I see now
every red flag
Since 2019 to present
I painted it all pink
just to call it love.
I was never
your forever.
Just a moment
to remind you
you could still feel
like a man.
But I am learning
slowly,
painfully,
beautifully
that I am not
a place for someone
to heal and leave.
I am not
temporary.
And this lightning
that once broke me
is now teaching me
how to glow
on my own.
