A Glutton for Starvation

I don’t have time to eat because I’m too busy feeding my demons

Trying to make it make sense, sitting here, hungry for the reason

Left with my soul starving and started chewing on my feelings

So hungry that even false hope is starting to seem appealing

They call it “food for thought” but my thoughts taste so empty

Struggling to silence the dark voices as they try to tempt me

If I scream louder than my monsters, all of their voices will go away

but their painful gaze remains, watching me dance this twisted ballet

The sins of my past, cooked up and presented in 3 course meals

Trying to keep my darkness sealed well the truth is on my heels

The truth is; I’m not worthy and this hunger will never fade

I know the check is coming and this bill will have to be paid

All I need is a little piece of peace, a slice of wisdom, just to heal

But I’m left tasting chaos and I’m a glutton for pain just so I can feel

I am my own worst enemy and I’m losing this up-hill fight

I pray to find a way out but for some reason I avoid the light

I forgive others but feed off my own suffering as I fail to forgive myself

Always ready to feed another but failing to consider my own health

Maybe unleash the darkness on my flesh and just choose violence

Anything seems appetizing if it means I can finally find the silence

Not yet, another day passes, this hunger remains but I’m still trying

Smile, laugh, cheer on others and never let anyone see me crying

Fighting to accept that just having this craving is a sign of being alive

Hoping to be better today, tomorrow, someday; eventually I’ll thrive

Until that day my soul will quake in hunger for a restful resolution

To finally be free of guilt, and hope that I find a peaceful conclusion

As I starve, pray for me, that I don’t gorge on all my past regret

Pray I don’t sink even deeper into this ocean of emotional debt

Of someday letting go of all this self-flagellation and rumination

That somehow, someday, I am worthy of Gods’ blissful salvation

That it will cease, and I no longer dine on this self-persecution

Let my soul feed on the hope of one day finding my absolution