September 13th

I was 11,
You were 13.
I met you on February 7th.
From that day on you were always flirting.
We loved to hang out.
We talked for hours,
We knew what one another was all about.
I still remember the first time you gave me flowers,
3 roses with petals of blood red.
they simplify how long I've known you and have wanted to be with you.
On April 7th yes was what I said.

We were happy together,
But I was not truly in love.
I didn't know I was going to lose you forever.
I wonder if you still watch me from above.
I was never good with jealousy,
I still blame myself honestly.
Julie was always all over you,
I know I shouldn't have over reacted,
And said so coldly Billy we're through.

God I'm so sorry.
How could I have known?
I wish you hadn't made that choice.
You left this world way too soon.

You didn't come to school the next day.
I'm sorry Billy was what I intended to say.
I never was able to tell you.
I told James to tell you instead.
I called you when I got home.
Your mother answered,
Her voice was muffled some.
Is Billy there I asked.
She burst into deep heartbreaking sobs.
I could tell something was wrong.
Billy's gone.
what do you mean?
He's dead, he shot himself in the head.
God, I still wish it was all a bad dream.

I'm so sorry Billy.
I mean it with all my heart.
The day you left this world,
Mine fell apart.
I wasn't worth that!
Why did you choose that?
Your life was not supposed to end!
I'm sorry Billy,
I'm sorry that I was the one to break your heart.
You should never have loved me,
But now it's much too late.
I just wish that you could see,
That I'm sorry,
I miss you,
And I love you,
Just not with that part of my heart.

I'm now 16.
You would be 18.
I still dream about you Billy.
I can see your last moments.
I see the needle and the heroine,
And the tracks on your arms.
You're crying so much,
I reach for you,
But you can't feel my touch.
I watch you grab the gun,
NO! I scream,
Towards you I start to run.
You close your eyes,
Lift the gun high.
I see your finger twitch.
And just when I reach you,
You pull the trigger,
And your life goes out like a light switch.
I wake up,
Your name a scream that leaves my lips,
Cold tears running down my face.
The dream is true to me,
God, I never could reach you in time.

I'll never forget you Billy.
I still try to go to your grave,
But I haven't been there in a couple of years.
It's marked:
William James Warren,
A Wonderful and Forever Loved Son.
Born:Sept 1986
Died:Sept 13th 1999.