Broken suicide

Heres my broken suicide
behind my smile I'm gonna hide
to find a love completely new
to be beaten black and blue
to know how this depression feels
to know that it never ever heals
to know that people feel the same
to know I'm playing a deadly game
I am here but I can't hide anymore
I can't even work out what i'm living for
my friends they're always here for me
but my true pain, they'll never see
is ripping out my insides
I've lost my angel, my only guide
who told me where I needed to go
even though at times I got there slow
I always ended up in my happy land
that I got to by cutting beneath my hand
one day maybe things will get better
but for now I'll write my suicide letter
because I'm confident I won't get round the bend
and that this pain is never gonna end
am I being selfish? i just don't know
all I know is that maybe its better for me to go...

so for now behind my smile I will hide
preparing in my mind, my broken suicide