Pillow Guard

Last night after our most recent fight,
I ran up to my bedroom.
I lit some candles,
Sitting by the window taking in the fumes.

I lye there for the rest of the night,
Listening to my music.
I go through all the cd’s,
I think I may be sick.

Tears are pouring out,
I try so hard to fight.
No matter how I try,
This happens every night.

I think I may be dying.
I don’t know what to do.
I look at out the stars,
The clouds so ever blue.

I stare up at the moon,
I wish I could just leave.
I look at the stars,
They’re like an everlasting weave.

I look up at my candles,
They are dripping wax.
It’s flowing everywhere,
I sit back and relax.

I start to bawl,
And pull in my knees,
Luckily the music,
Blocks out my tears so no one can see.

I really do want that though,
I want them to see.
I’m just afraid,
They will think even less of me.

As the days go by,
I hide up in my room.
They never once came to check on me,
My mom was only asking for the broom.

I hand it over,
And run back to my window.
I have created a wall,
Made solely out of pillows.

I huddle in the middle,
Trying to rid myself of harm.
I don’t know how I got this way,
As my legs are cradled by my arms.

I look back out,
Looking over the air.
Sometimes I swear I can see it,
Like the wind means so much more.

Maybe it’s a cry for help,
And it never settles down.
Maybe those swaying trees,
Are like its endless frowns.

In the morning I wake up,
To the yells and screaming.
My thoughts always being destroyed,
By my endless dreaming.

In the middle of the fights,
I often hear my name.
What have I even done,
Why must I be put to blame.

I am hardly ever seen,
I am never even heard.
How can this be my fault,
The blame really burns.

I wish I could just go,
Like you would even notice.
I fell asleep at my window last night,
Not caring how cold it is.

I couldn’t feel it anyhow,
The crying shields away the pain.
Even the stains I see,
I wish it were the rain.

I want so much,
Just to feel their care.
I don’t want to look up,
Just to see their stares.

When I was awoken,
I was asked why on the floor.
I just looked up,
And got my tears out of store.

They didn’t see the droplets,
They didn’t hear my sobbing.
Why am I invisible,
The pain continues its endless throbbing.

Megan 2004 §