Truest feelings

MY HEART BURNS
MY HEART BREAKS ANEW DAY AFTER DAY
there's nothing for me here
I have no home
I never feel peace
My heart is the blacksmith's anvil, prodded with fiery red steel and then incessantly beaten with cold, hard steel
A war rages over the plains
Swords tearing flesh from flesh
Maces riping the skin off backs
Clubs beating against breaking bone
Spears rip through organs
Blood gushes from the hole a spear left that tore completely through a boy's heart
An axe stuck in a skull like a woodcutter's block
I am the flesh and bone on the battlefield
Feeling each slice, each impaling stab that leaves a gaping, unhealing, bloody, scar

Why can I never feel normal?
I would give up all my attributes if I could be blissfully ignorant
I would give up all my bliss if I could cease to exist....