Undecided

Standing alone is a chilling room,
Sobs wracking my fragile body
My broken heart and heavy head in my hands
Warm water pours over my back,
But it cannot break the ice of my insides
In confusion and defeat I fall, water swirling around me.
Images swarm infront of my eyes
Like a movie without sound.
How can I feel these emotions,
This frustration,
This feeling of self-hatred.
I picture those who love me with everything they have,
Yet still I can't help this feeling.
I lie there still, wanting to end my torture,
Yet praying to be saved.
Stinging tears streaming down my face
Joining the flow over my body...
Fear grips me at the realization of what my actions can cause,
Can I sacrifise all this for peace?
Is this torment bad enough to end it all,
Leave all those who care behind me?
And so I lie, undecided...