Today...

Today I took
all of my courage
to face my fears,
and hold in all of my tears.
I took my heart
and told it to hush,
to listen,
be weary,
and hold in the weakness.
Today I took
the deepest reflection
before I left...
and I looked at myself.
Am I to deserve
all of this,
is it everyone who
must face these things,
or is it only me...
who is being tortured,
tossed and turned.
Today I went
to see your face,
but I hid
in the shadows...
I prayed that
you wouldn't come out,
I prayed that
I would not feel
my heart beat faster...
you're no longer mine,
I hate you,
you don't have
any feelings for me,
you're not good enough for me...
all of the words
were there
to cover up my wound.
Today that wound
split open again...
I saw you
more sweeter
than the nectar of honeysuckle...
and my heart hurt
more than i'd ever realized,
when I paced by the shadows.
Today I spotted you
almost immediately,
and my heart melted...
I bit my lip
my blood began to flow,
I could taste it...
the bitter words
came out of my lips
desperate to stop
my pain,
but I did not know
whether it was
to myself I spoke
or to your
sweet figure in the distance.
Today on the way
I walked home from school,
I kept
my eyes down
and I walked slowly...
as if I had nothing
to spur me into life,
I prayed to god...
I prayed to god...
that he would
give me a sign.