I feel all alon yet i'm not

I just want it all to end
i feel all alone
yet i no I'm not
i don't know whats up with me
I'm mashed up
too mashed up for help
i can't explain how i feel
i not sure why
but i can tell you
i want to be take from this world
but you've herd the saying
"what you want and what you get are totally different"
so looks like I'm stuck here

So where do i go from here?
is there a right way to go?

For me i think not
if there is why wont it come.
I WAS getting better
not cutting and feeling good
but then BANG
the explosion happens
I'm back to square one
feeling low
and wanting to die
luckily i have no sharp objects at reach at this moment
or i wouldn't be able to say
i have not cut
and for the time being that is true
only for now tho

i wish i could promise that it will be true forever
but i don't like to break promises sorry ! x

Oh My God!
its that word again (sorry)
its becoming so common in my vocabulary
its all i seem to be saying
and you know what?
half the time i don't even know why i say it
but i just know i must
mm i wonder

This poem is going in my book
the one i wrote and write in regularly. i would have wrote straight in to it but it's hard to disguise. at least on paper it doesn't draw as much attention.

I don't know what to do i want to cry and let it all out but i can't I'm in a room full of people. I can't let any one see my emotions not that any one's paying attention. and you ask why i feel alone.

I don't know why but i;m feeling scared. scared of what i do not know its just how i feel at he moment. my heart feels like some one is trying to pull it out or they are just holding it really tight.
i feel my insides have sunk i wish that would happen physically but i never get my wishes.

this is especially for my sister Leanne and a special m8 Emily! you both want to know how I'm feeling this is a poem that turnout in to a letter that i wrote!