What should i do?

This paper is my skin,
This pen is my razor,
These words are my blood,
This poem is my hope, my dream, my life,
Pain doesn’t hurt me anymore,
It just causes pleasure,
When ever I cut my arm,
The throbbing gets out of my heart,
Every teardrop that comes out of my eyes,
Is an ache caused by people’s lies,
I don’t want to live anymore,
But I’m too scared to die,
My friends don’t understand me,
I feel like no one does,
Night by Night,
The same question goes through my head,
Should I hurt forever?
Or should I die instead?