Slipped

Why can't i let my feelings spill onto this page?
Inside why am i feeling so filled up with rage?
Why can't i understand how i make you feel?
It's so hard to believe that those things are real,

I don't want you to cut yourself; you see the state I'm in,
Think about how you could start dying from within,
You can see the longing for the sweet pain and relief,
You see it in me, in my soul, unable to turn a new leaf,

I wish i knew how i could stop, to stop the cuts and pain,
So i could stop leaking through, searching for that vein,
I wish i could make you all see for me what it's like,
Why i can't see another way but giving up this fight,

I try to stop but for you it's just no enough,
I have to quit and tell you that I've totally given up,
I can't do that, if i do i lie and that just makes it worse,
I want my blood to swallow me whole; into it i immerse,

People say i sulk and moan, they just don't understand,
Or can they see in my eyes, the horrors I've had to stand,
The things I've seen happen and the things I've done to me,
Can they really see the way, the way with cuts I'm free?

I've changed into something else, normal but in disguise,
Through the pain is there laughter, still hidden in my eyes?
Or did it all disappear that first time i cut my skin?
Did all my happy thoughts and memories escape from within?

I try; i do, to hold them all close to my heart,
I still keep only a slight few from the very start,
When you are young the bad things, they scar you terribly,
Now all my scars are on the outside for everyone to see,

The people close try to understand, try to help me out,
But with all this pain and these scars comes a heart of doubt,
I try to take help and they think i don't listen; it just doesn't sink in?
Truth is it just doesn't help me forget, why did it all begin?

Maybe i shall never know and my friends will forget as i fade,
Into the darkness, into the night not alone, but with the scars i had made,
Now I'm gone and no one cares, no one even noticed,
As into concealing, accepting darkness, as into this i slipped.

*All votes and comments greatly appreciated as always.*