So Messed Up Inside

Sat here shaking day after day
Now that this pain has decided to stay
Ripping myself slowly apart
A bleeding messed up broken heart

Laughter, anger, followed by tears
Screaming, sobbing, a head filled with fears
I’m so messed up, my emotions are confused
I guess this is the price for being abused

Breaking down, swearing at the sky
Can’t even decide how I want to die
Huddled in a ball, rocking to and fro
Heart pumping fast, my breathing so slow

Something’s changed; it’s not the same
I don’t think my mind can take this pain
I swear I must be losing my mind
Finally leaving all reality behind

I thought this might happen to me one day
When the pain got too great, wouldn’t go away
They’ll surely put me in that place now
Unless I find a way to get better somehow

I used to be able to smile and pretend
Now I find I can no longer mend
I used to be able to pick myself up, carry on
Now I find that my strength is all gone

No matter how hard I try and try
I can’t seem to do anything but shake and cry
I just can’t pick myself up this time
Can’t believe this broken stained life is mine

Tomorrow my appointment with the psychiatrist
I know I won’t be able to smile and hide
And pretend this isn’t true; pretend I’m fine
I can’t deny, I’m so messed up inside

Any comments would mean a lot right now x