I Fear What I've Become

Looking at the happy pictures
Of me when I was young
Yet now when I look into the mirror
I fear what I've become

How can such an innocent child
Grow up to feel such pain
How could she know when this illness began
Her life would not be the same

What happened to that child's smile
To make her sit and cry
Lost alone inside a strange place
Left to wilt and die

I don't know quite what happened to me
To make me into this:
A person who cannot bear to be alive
And cuts to feel any bliss

A person who's tried suicide...
Far too many times
A person who's self destructive
Even though she's commit no crimes

A person who can't remember
What it's like to be care free
I'm so confused about my life
Can't determine the real me

Was I actually ever happy?
And not putting on an act?
See I thought I was...but now I'm not sure
I wasn't like this, that's a fact!

All my memories seem so twisted
And any happiness I had
Has been forgotten and left behind
For now I just feel sad

It's like this illness is desperately trying
To erase every part of me
Making me doubt I was ever Happy
Changing my history

I hope one day I'll be able to see
The world through my own eyes
To see the world how it actually is
Not as a victim to depression's lies

Any comments would mean a lot! x