Failure

When you saw me today you asked what was wrong
I tried to convince you that you didn’t want to know
I’d always tried to hide that part of my life from you
Because I’m scared you’ll see just how screwed up I am and leave me
Even though I know you’re not that kind of guy, I still can’t help but think it
But you insisted I tell, you didn’t mind how bad it was
So I took a deep breath and told you of what I had done last night
I confessed to you how I had carved the word failure into my leg
You couldn’t understand why I would do that or how I could think that of myself
I couldn’t understand how you couldn’t see that in me, how none of you could
You were asking why I was so depressed but I didn’t know the full reason
All I could tell you was that I am my own worst enemy
That I tell myself all these bad things and think so negatively
I told you just a few of the things that I think of myself
I’m a failure, I’m hopeless, I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m worthless and the list goes on
You tried to make me see that I am none of those things but I know I am
You also said I had to keep on fighting this battle and never give up
Then you said those words I was dreading to hear, “You have to stop cutting”
But what came afterwards surprised me, “Or else I’ll start cutting……. Again”
I nearly cried when you said that, “Don’t you fuking dare”
I didn’t know if you were bluffing but I couldn’t take the chance
I didn’t want to ruin your life like I’d managed to ruin mine so well
I promised that I wouldn’t cut although I knew it wouldn’t stay like that for long
Soon enough I’d go back to what I knew best and add more scars
But I would never tell you that, I would never tell you I knew I’d fail
I’ll keep the truth from you as long as I can because I’m sick of hurting people

I don’t really like this one, it’s not very good, I wrote it after a conversation with someone but any comments or votes would still be appreciated Thanks