The Lake

by SmileeItsBritt   Dec 17, 2004


There was a girl that cried
Way too many tears to count
First her tears formed puddles
But then deepened, formed a lake
For all the pain she felt
To others was unknown
Her world had turned so dark, so cold
The lake she cried had froze
But she's running into a problem
The ice is wearing thin
The surface now is cracked
She has too much pain that lies within
Soon she will fall through
Her worlds turned upside down
Soon the ice will break
She cant swim so she will drown
The sins that she has made
Will pull her to the depths
Before she gets pulled down,
She'll take her final breath
When pulled beneath the ice
Her screams no one could hear
But when she went away
The lake she cried had disappeared

Please tell me what you think...

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by cowgirlstar26

    Your titles are really good at getting attention, I liked this one as well :) this however was really sad :( most poems wont do that to ya but this one did so thanks alot now im going to have to go read something funny
    great write though ;)

  • 17 years ago

    by Crystal Gaze

    This poem has an amazing concept. your Imagery was amazing. I litterally felt like I was that girl falling through ice.
    Amazingly Penned.
    A great Read for all.
    5/5

    Elaine

  • 18 years ago

    by Patrik

    Very wellwritten, I enjoyed it alot, not much else to say really. Perhaps devide it in to paragraphs (think that's the word I should use).

    Best wishes,
    Patrik

  • 18 years ago

    by EoB

    I think the idea behind it is great..

    But the flow could have been muuuch better, and I think you should consider revising it. Some of the lines were much too long compared to the rest of the poem. And I cannot decided whether there actually is a rhyming shceme there or not..
    .
    But as I said, the thought behind it is great, and I really like how you used the lake as a metaphor.

    Very good:)

    keep it up

  • 18 years ago

    by Poetic Tragedy08

    Great job! i really enjoyed that one!! great and keep it up!! 5/5! it flowed nicely!

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