My New Year's Resolution

I don't know what happened
To the boy she once knew
The boy she fell in love with
Who was innocent and true

As stated before
I fear I've lost my way
I've lost all motivation
And I push her away

It isn't a lack of love
Nor is it a lack of trust
Every time I see her
I'm overwhelmed by lust

She's the center of the universe
In my own fanciful reality
The calm little center
Surrounded by brutality

But why does it happen
Time and time anew
I sink into depression
As our worlds split in two

I hate the person
That I always become
When I refuse to listen
And my heart grows numb

I hate when I scream
And even more when I cry
The pain overwhelms me
And I again wish to die

I hate the person
In my dead shell
The person who's so cold
Who does nothing but yell

I hate when I'm alone
But I refuse to go out
I lounge in self-pity
As I fill with doubt

This person is inside me
Condemning me to isolation
So this year my resolve
Is to end this transformation