Has My Heart Died?

Will somebody please tell me?
Explain just what i feel,
Why do i want to cut myself?
After my dreams have come real,

My boyfriend, well i have him,
No more there could i ask,
So will someone please describe to me?
Why i still wear this mask,

My angels they are plentiful,
And three are special too,
Can you please just tell me?
Why veins, i long to cut through,

I'm more beautiful than I've ever been,
I've never felt so confident,
Can someone show me why?
I hurt angels god has sent,

I have never felt so loved,
Not ashamed of myself,
I ask you why can't i just?
Leave the knife on it's shelf,

No more rows in my house,
No more hits and shouts,
Is it possible to show me?
What it is that i still doubt,

People seem to understand me,
Will they help me understand this?
All the pain i don't think i feel,
Am i destined for death's kiss,

The marks on my wrist,
I don't want more fresh and new,
But i feel i want cuts up my arms,
Really, i still do,

Please angels show me reasons,
For i no longer get just why,
I feel the urge to cut myself,
Inside has my heart died?

*all comments and votes greatly appreciated as always*