Abandoned In Despair

What's this
Darkness creeping in
Forcing this blade
To drag across my skin

Why can I not
Reach outside my shell
Why am I forced to live
In this hell

Who is there
But me to help me fly
Why can I only think of
Saying goodbye

How do these memories
Manage to haunt me so?
Why won’t this misery
Just get up and go?

How long must I fight
And keep falling back
How far must I look
To see a sky that isn’t black

I think I could have been an angel
If it weren’t for this cross I bear
Forcing me to plummet
Willing me to just not care

I feel I am a robot
Subjected to grilling fear
That is too big to overcome
And my maker has left me here

As I look at my scars
And my thinning body
I wonder why He let this
This thing … take over me

Or perhaps it’s my own fault
Yes, I think I am too blame
My punishment is too fight
And always feel exactly the same

But still I will be silently screaming
Through every cut that I make
Why I am to be forced to endure this
And wondering at what point will I break?

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2004