Not As Strong

I was wrong about me
I was never meant to be free
I am always going to be bound
By the blades of my past
And by the scars of my broken pain

I stopped once in my life
Realizing it was all fine
But pain has a funny way of coming back
It has a funny way of slapping you in the face
It has a way of bringing you back to a dirty past

I apologize to those who believed in me
And I apologize for lying about my strength
Because it is true
That I only as strong as you
And I easily cave to the slightest pain

I did not want to cry
So I went to escape
But at my escape
Laid an old escape of my past
Shining brightly in front of me

I looked away and pretended it was not there
But I felt tears forming in my eyes
“I won’t let him see me cry”
I looked back and grabbed my blade
Remembering the past of this glistening release

Cold steel on my skin again
And my heart started racing again
I pushed down letting it run across my arm
“I went deep this time”
The longest cut I have put on myself

It started to bleed
“Have not seen my blood in a while”
It started to sting
Put my arming in the running water and washed the crimson away
Pulled my sleeve down and went back to him

I cut too deep this time
And I can still feel it now

I apologize to those who believed in me
And I apologize for lying about my strength
Because it is true
That I am only as strong as you
And I easily cave to the slightest pain