Not Tonight.

“Kill yourself tonight, go on, tonight,
You know it would be right,
You know this is what you need,
Just a little bit of death,
Just a little bit of blood to bleed,
I can feel it in your heart,
You just want from this life to depart,
You want to fade like this candle,
Burning in front of your eyes,
That’s just out of reach of these hands,
Just a bit further than these black black skies,
Go on, fade too far, fade forever,
Into the darkness, into your fears,
Tonight…
Tonight.”

The rains falling fast,
And it won’t leave my head alone,
The voice of truth just won’t give in,
It won’t let me just be on my own,
I want to fight back,
Instead of just letting the tears fall,
I find myself whispering “no no no”,
Just curling up, feeling so small,
This ground is cold,
Colder than I’ll ever know,
I’m not even shivering,
As I used to long ago.

And in a tearful scared kind of rage,
I know this world is merely a cage,
Keeping me from what I want,
What I need,
I whisper softly, trying to fight,
This can’t be the day, this can’t be the night,
“My dad has gone, I can’t leave my mum right now,
She wouldn't cope, She wouldn't know how,
What if he didn't return, I couldn't leave her yet,
And what about my friends,
They're not been pushed far away enough,
They wouldn’t just forget.”

This answer doesn't satisfy,
This answer isn’t good enough,
I'm not strong enough to argue more,
For who am I arguing with, about all this stuff?
Myself,
A shadow,
Lost,
No,
Not for much longer,
Just, just not tonight,
Not yet, now just isn’t right,
But will "now" ever be right?

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