Terror Turned Inward

Lost in a world
So black and so bleak
I am tortured
I am wretched and weak.

My daily cries
Pitifully denied
Recognition for the fact
Something is dying inside.

I twist and turn
In an anxious state
Consumed by my fear
And the victim of hate

I crawl through
What feels like broken glass
Laughed at and ridiculed
By the world dancing past

I used to think that I
Could be my friend in need
Consulting with myself
Wiping away the tears I bleed

But gradually as I stared
At the horror I had to face
I soon saw that I, was not allowed
To even have a place

I must be bad to deserve
Being treated like scum
I must be unlovable
To not be held by anyone

So I cradled these beliefs
As a new sort of comfort
I knew if I hated myself
It would ease some of the hurt

I wouldn't ask endless questions
Because I KNEW the reason why
And I knew this hell, once a reason to live
… became one to die.

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2005