Therapy Session

I sit anxious
In your waiting room
Humming in my head
Some morbid tune

I fidget and wonder
What you'll ask today
Wishing I could just
Fade and slip away

The clock seems
To tick too slow
My skin tickles
Itching to go

You appear at the door
A smile on your face
I wonder if it’s like mine:
Falsely put in place

You ask, like always
How are you? Are you alright?
In a casual tone
As if you didn’t take in the sight

Me sitting huddled up
Tired and broken
Fidgeting in waiting
For the door to open

I follow you down the hall
And I sit in the soft chair
Right near the window
While you sit over there

You ask about my week
I mumble it's been okay
I don't tell you that
I cut forty times yesterday

You expect me to say something
So I begin to fidget in my chair
Suddenly I feel trapped
In need of air

I breathe deeply
And pull my hood over my head
You don't speak for a long time
So I say something instead

I comment on something
I think means nothing at all
But like always you pounce on it
And I feel like a fool

You analyze every word
The expressions and stutters
The world behind my eyes
The screams behind the mutters

I sink into the chair
I begin to sweat
I look to the window for escape
And crave a cigarette

But it's only been five minutes
Fifty five left to go
And this clock here, too
Seems to tick too slow

I agree to your answers
In the hope I can still hide
The only secret left in me:
That I feel I have died

I look like I live to you
I breathe, I talk
I sleep, I eat
I cry and I walk

But inside, is dead
Nobody knows that yet
And they mustn't, ever
So I will the world to forget

To leave me alone
I've been raped of everything I had
EVERYTHING that wasn't up for grabs
Was stolen and I felt I was going mad

But none of this is said
I simply feel myself sweat
More and more, until times up
As I leave the room, I will you to forget.

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2005