Closer

This time the cut is too deep
Watching blood begin to seep
World is spinning round and round
I am falling to the ground

Gasping trying to get a breath
Trying to escape from death
Floating outwards from my corpse
Disconnected from my thoughts

Soaring through a blackened hole
Demons eating at my soul
Landing at my destination
A mirror clouds of condensation

The steam it then begins to clear
From the dirty cool mirror
It begins to play a story
Long, unwinding, very gory

Dragging up my memories
Things no-one has seen but me
Swirling in the darkened glass
Happy ones begin to pass

From before 6 months ago
When you said that I should know
That she would so soon be dying
Trying to fight back the crying

Tears are misting up my vision
In my life there is division
No longer alive and whole
But a darkened girl, so cold

Then it only gets much worse
Like an everlasting curse
From behind this misty window
I watch myself get much more low

Turning thoughts round in my head
Thoughts that will lead to my death
As the world seems cruel and awful
Everything becomes more painful

Rushing quickly through the memories
Skipping those when I was happy
Yes the darks thoughts, more arise Life I begin to despise

My heart is freezing, cold as ice
Then forgetting how to be nice
Turning into pits of hate
Is this to be my new fate

Hate and anger at the world
Lying in my bed all curled
Crying myself to my sleep
Watching arms begin to bleed

Knives are hidden in my bag
Watching me becoming mad
Is a new and strange sensation
Seeing me become depression

Dark and cold and full of spite
Thinking my dark thoughts all night
Watching drugs mess up my brain
Unable to drown my pain

With a sudden pull I see
Lying on the floor.....That's me
Lying in a pool of blood
From my wrists my pain does flood

Hearing footsteps on the ground
Watching myself being found
Teachers run into the loo
Dazed and frightened and confused

With a jerk I’m flying there
Entering without a stare
Back there lying with my knife
Having answered calls from life

Lying there my eyes jerk open
Knowing that I have awoken
From that dark place deep inside
So close to my suicide

As I wake the pain floods in
Surrounding me and really killing
I open my mouth and cry out
The cry it soon becomes a shout

As I scream in agony
There for all the world to see
Rolling, yelling on the ground
In that place where I was found

Bringing my arms to my face
Looking at that awful place
Where the cuts run deep and true
Bleeding slowly onto you

As I try to stand and walk
Trying pretty hard to talk
But I collapse down again
With a brand new wave of pain

Feebly I try again
Trying to ignore the pain
But now I know I am to weak
I cannot find the strength I seek

And so I lay here staring around
A huge bloodstain on the ground
Watching the all of that blood ooze
Makes me very much confused

What am I still doing here
Hearing voices in my ear
Telling me I am alive
That I’m going to survive

I let out cries and cries of pain
Agonising bouts of shame
Wishing just to get away
To anywhere but today

Here come brand new waves of feeling
More and more my arms are bleeding
But I’m going to make it through
Get myself together too

A mask is slipped over my head
And I slump, as though I’m dead
Gas is filling up my brain
Fighting all my awful pain

And now as I fall asleep
Forgetting about my deeds
Lying on a hospital bed
So so close to being dead