You Were Not There

As I sit here crying
Thinking of the mistakes I made
And everything I did wrong
I just noticed today

All the times I pushed things
To be blamed on you
Because I knew if they were my fault
I wouldn’t be able to make it through

Knowing I was the reason you left
That day of November 2 2004
When you told you couldn’t take it
And did not know if you loved me anymore

You said you wasted your tears on me
And that you thought I found someone knew
Well now you know I did not
I was only in love with you

But you walked out that door
And did not have the guts to say it to my face
So you wrote in an email
And it has not been erased

I have read it every night
Before I go to bed
Wondering what you were thinking
What was going through your head?

Was there someone else?
That I just can not compete with
Or did you just not love me anymore
So you packed up and quit

And to my surprise the next day
You emailed me back
Telling me you made a mistake
And without me strength you lacked

You told me you thought
You were a horrible person for leaving me
And that you were crying so much
You could barely see

You told me your tears were not a waste
That you cried over me
My mind was going in circles
I didn’t know what to believe

My tears were falling
With every sentence I read
Knowing that at night
I would be lying alone in my bed

But I called you that night
Because I just cant be without you
And I accepted your apology
Because I am in love with you

Still to this day I am
But this time I left
Now I regret it
And all last night I wept

Knowing I can not do anything
If I do not have you
Because my time I spent with you
And the words I spoke were true

But Laura I did not walk away
I am still here just scared
I am scared you will leave me
And one day never be there

I reached out my hand today
And opened it up to cold air
And I looked to my side
And saw you were not there