Free From the Cast of Pain

Just doing a bit of venting, this might not be good. Read, comment, and vote if you’d like. Thanks.

There once was a time
When I was just a child
Back before the hurt and pain
When I was able to smile

When the only heartache I felt
Was when my teddy bear was repaired
After my little sister ripped his arm
And how much for him I cared

And the only guilt I carried
Was when I went to preschool
Because my imaginary friend couldn't come
And I thought, to him, I was being cruel

When the only time I cried
Was when I scraped my knee
And I got a lollipop and band aid
How I miss this little me

How I yearn to live the younger years
But unfortunately time has past
I’ve been through so much
And the pain has formed a cast

A father who has raped me
And then left his ‘family’ in a shed
A mother that beats her children
And causes them to cry in bed

A boyfriend who’s controlling
And threatens me if I leave
A new set of scars each night
That are covered beneath my sleeves

A lingering bulimia problem
That just won’t go away
A school where I have no friends
Yet am court ordered to go everyday

I wish I could turn back time
Get rid of all that’s happened to me
To remove the cast of pain that’s formed
And be the girl I used to be

But this cast just gets stronger
As the long days just go on
And the sleepless nights just get harder
As I wish I were gone

My impulse is to grab the blade
And drag it down my skin
It empower deep inside my core
Stronger and stronger, trying to win

And soon I can’t control it
I take in my hand a sharpened knife
I put a slash across my throat
Finally I’ve ended this tormenting life

I begin to see the darkness
I’ve removed this pain made cast
Now I can float as a soul
Looking for the girl in my past