Just To Watch It Bleed

I am filled with pleasure as I watch my blood drip to the floor, It slides down my wrist even faster than before
~*
I cut my wrist even deeper just to watch it bleed, it makes me feel free when I see the red river provide me with what I need
~*
I've become numb to the pain that the blade provides, the pain use to take over my body and made me feel like someone was ripping out my insides
~*
But now it only provides me with pleasure and it sets me free, because I know that this is my decision and it's all up to me
~*
If I choose to cut my wrist than I'll do it until I'm satisfied with what I've done, I know this is wrong, but I think it's better than giving up and pulling out the gun
~*
It's not like I want to die, even though sometimes I do, I'm just so attached to the feeling that it brings because it helps me get through the day without bringing all my friends dismay
~*
Nobody knows that I do this, It's all kept inside, I think that if I ever told anybody than they would never see my real side
~*
I'm not always cutting my wrist just to watch it bleed, but now that I'm numb it provides me with the feeling that I need
~*
No I'm not insane and I don't intend on scareing you, this is just who I am and I don't know what else to do
~*
I refuse to change just because you think I'm weird, I like the way I am even though I sometimes feel like I've disappeared
~*
I have no one to talk to and nobody's willing to listen, so for now I'm going to keep on watching my red blood glisten.